Nathan calls in ‘fire support’

This story is part of Open Conversations, an audio series where veterans and veteran families of the ADF share their story seeking mental health support.

Download the transcript of Nathan's story. You can also listen to Nathan's story on Podbean.

Nathan is a Community Peer Adviser with Open Arms. He spent 20 years in the Infantry before being medically discharged with post-traumatic stress (PTS) in 2016.

Please note, the following contains references to suicide.

I initially had symptoms of PTS from about 2001. And I carried that around for the duration of my military career. Not a lot of that time was a positive experience for me. If I had sought help earlier, if I had self-referred to Open Arms, I think the results would have been a lot different. However, I didn't do that. And it wasn't until 2013 that I was referred by Defence to an Open Arms clinician. And that was after seeing a psychiatrist and being in a psych ward.

I was very resistant at the start but if I hadn’t accessed support, I wouldn't be here today.

I didn't necessarily want to die, but I wanted that part of me to die because it was causing all my problems. It was causing the PTS, it was causing my alcohol use, it was causing recklessness, it was causing the mood swings, it was affecting my sleep, it was giving me high anxiety.

My identity was linked to the army. Because I loved it. It was the best job I’ve ever done. And then as I transitioned out, I had very much a victim mentality. But once I've done a bit of work [on my mental health], I changed that mindset to, well, this is just something that's happened to me. It is recoverable. It's the same as a football player blowing out his knee. It's just an injury that's happened to him. You just have to do the rehab and the recovery. And PTS is the same. The work is not easy, but you need to do the work if you want to recover.

My PTS doesn't define me. It's just something that happened to me. It was just my turn, that's all.

I still see a clinician now and it's once every 3 to 6 months and it's just a top-up. It’s like a car. You wanna get it serviced before that oil light comes on. When I was sick, it was weekly sessions plus homework. And that involved journalling, meditation, yoga. I tried everything. I think if you're going into that therapeutic space, be open to everything. Don't say no to something because you think it's a bit weird.

Like I thought that initially about yoga, but after about six weeks, the penny really started to drop for me. I'd get thoughts in, then I'd let them go, but I wouldn't ruminate over them. And after a while, I'd take that practice from yoga and then bring it into my real life. Cause after all, if it's not going to worry you in five years, why worry about it now? Yoga has been good for me and it's been good for my joints and my hips and everything like that as well.

Stepping Out

I didn't access any groups, but if there's one group I would have accessed, it would be Stepping Out. I would recommend everyone to go do Stepping Out, because it's about what's going to happen to you when you get out of Defence. And take your partner along, because it's not just you getting out, it's them as well.

Calling in fire support

 [You may feel] a bit of shame in reaching out for support but another guy in the infantry explained to me that it's not that you're admitting defeat, you're just calling for fire support. You're just saying, hey, I just need a bit of support through this period. And that's what Open Arms can provide.

You can access our service 24 / 7 via the phone and telehealth. And we also have an extensive network of outreach providers. If you can't do face to face, you can do it over Teams, do it over Zoom. But ultimately, you just need to ring up and ask and say, Hey, I need some help.

Peer adviser

This job is very much like Defence. It's a job of service. It’s very rewarding for me to see soldiers who have been damaged, and then help them put their lives back together and then see them go on to thrive. That's the best reward you can have in this role, is seeing people you work with go on with their life after major mental health challenges and actually absolutely thrive at life after Defence.

When you leave Defence, it's not the end of the road, it's just a turn in the road. That's all it is.

Thanks to Nathan for sharing his story for us. If this episode raises questions for you, or if you would like to speak to someone about how it impacts you, you can contact Open Arms in Australia on 1800 011 046.